Self Love vs. Love of Self
- Samme
- Feb 25, 2019
- 9 min read
Self love, pride, boasting, love of self... what's a healthy level of it all, what does Christ say about it all? In this post you'll learn my take on all of these things with scriptural guidance.
"Not to us, Lord, but to
Your name we give glory!"
The Golden Rule...
Growing up I learned one of the many Golden Rules of life through my father. I was an athlete throughout all of grade school, and to be honest, that's pretty much all I cared about in school. I'm competitive, and I like to win. But one of the many lessons my dad taught me that I will never forget and always treasure is, "if you had a good game, let other people tell you. Just say thank you but don't agree. No one likes to hear about how good you did from your mouth."
And that's what this post is going to be about.. to break down the difference & balance of self love and love of self.
Have you ever been around someone who cannot stop talking about their accomplishments? Or if you compliment them they say something like, "yeah thanks I know I did a good job, I'm really good at it." Frustrating, right? It might just be me, but I have to remind myself of my Christian values when I hear something like that so I don't dope slap the back of their head to shut them up :) Anyways...
Suffice to say, boasting, selfishness, pride, and conceited talk/behavior is annoying. And for those who don't know it yet, it's also sinful. Want biblical proof?
... "As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil." - James 4:16
..."Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips." - Proverbs 27:2
..."They pour out their arrogant words; all the evildoers boast." - Psalm 94:4
..."So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!" - James 3:5
..."Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves." - Philippians 2:3
So on a human to human basis, what I want to say to you is please do not boast about yourself or anything in your life. People resent it. On one hand, if someone asks how work is going, it's not wrong to say, "oh it's great, I just recently got promoted!" That's not bragging, that's telling an update of your life. On the other hand, if you were to go up to someone and say, "have you heard? I got a promotion! I so deserved it. It's about time." THAT'S annoying, that's boasting. Don't do it. No one cares. Let people ask you about your accomplishments and things of the like, and when you answer, answer with a tactful, Christ-like response. When you are seen as conceited, your testimony for Christ can be easily damaged.
Assuming you already understand this basic human interaction, we can move back into the Biblical reasons for not boasting or being conceited! As you saw above, there are many verses that address boasting and how we should not do so, as it is sinful. The Bible further explains that if we are to boast, it should only be about Jesus Christ, God. "So that, as it is written, 'Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.'" - 1 Corinthians 1:31. So yes, there is an exception to bragging, but this one exception only. Boasting about our Lord is acceptable because He is the one that created all that we have, He is the one that lived, died, and rose again for us, and He is "holy, holy, holy." Boasting about anything else is feeble and foolish. We cannot take any of our accomplishments, money, or possessions with us when we die. But you know what we can take? Our love and hope in Christ. Boasting about His love is encouraged because it brings hope and grace to those who need it. It is not the type of boasting that puts others down and lifts you up. Rather it can show how our lives have been changed and saved by Christ, and that His arms are open wide to anyone who believes. Do you see the difference here? Worldly bragging and bragging about Christ have stark differences in their purpose. Worldly boasting boosts our personal status, which is fleeting. But boasting in the love of Christ is everlasting, rewarding, and is for the glory of God.
Love of Self...
Pride is a loaded and dangerous word that needs to be addressed within this topic.
Pride and boasting are directly correlated. A prideful person loves to boast and show others their accomplishments, status, and how good they are. A humble person lets others do the talking for them, and they do not think they are better than anyone else.
There's two specific verses from the Bible that stick out to me about pride, and they can serve as a wake up call to all of us.
James 4:6 says, "That is why Scripture says, 'God opposes the proud, but shows favor to the humble.'"
Proverbs 16:18 says, "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall."
Without trying to sound too preachy or make things confusing, here's the bottom line about pride...
Pride gets in the way of honoring God. Pride creates a false image of our worth and makes us feel more powerful than we are. Pride blinds us to our sinful state. Pride makes us think we don't need God. God opposes the proud.
Do you want to see God's wrath simply because you were too self-serving and proud to get off your high-horse? Believe me, it's so much harder to be prideful than to humble yourself in front of the God who created you.
Self Love...
Let's lighten it up for moment, shall we?. Pride is ugly, but there's a way to love yourself without stepping over the line to selfishness.
In this hard-to-deal-with social media era, there's constant force feeding of the images that society thinks is perfect. Click on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, and within minutes or even seconds there you will find men or women displayed as the successful, good looking, "role models" of society. While I am not trying to take anything away from their lifestyle, looks, or success, it's a dangerous game we play when we measure ourselves against them. In fact, it doesn't even need to be the social media hot shot- it could be our friend or neighbor that we compare ourselves to. This, naturally, causes our self esteem to fall. This topic can be a whole blog post on it's on, but for now, let's talk about what God says about self love.
How can we have a healthy amount of self love? It's all about our mindset and heart. It's truly important to love ourselves, after all, God gave us life and a body to live in, we should love and enjoy it! I used to think the quote, "you can't love someone until you love yourself" was lame for the longest time.. until it became true for myself. It can be hard to serve others when you feel sorry for yourself and are constantly beating yourself up. Loving yourself can put you in a better position to love others. It wasn't until I was able to take care of myself and see myself how God sees me that I was able to understand the benefits of self love in this life. I also didn't realize that my testimony was not as strong as it is now, now that I "love myself." It sounds weird to say that, but here's what I did to get to this point...
On the superficial side, I started pursuing a career that I actually want to do. I let myself take naps. I learned how to say no to people. I stopped thinking that everything in my life that was bad was automatically my fault. I put makeup on when I wanted, and went out barefaced when I wanted. I started taking care of my body. I stopped caring about people's opinions because I realized that the only opinion that matters is God's. I stopped counting Instagram likes.
On the spiritual side, I trusted God's will and timing. I understood that what I want and what God gives are not always the same thing- and this took pressure off of my shoulders. It allowed me to start enjoying the day ahead of me and trusting God for my future days. This gave me more time and mental space to learn more about myself and God Himself. I still intentionally take time to remind myself that God's opinion of me is the only one that matters. Mankind's opinion has no bearing on my eternal life, but God's does. Once I grasped the emptiness of trying to please the world I was left with the grace of God. Here are a few verses that helped me realize that my superficial issues and self esteem problems were silly and a way for Satan to pull me away from God.
..."So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day." - 2 Corinthians 4:16
..."Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness...'" - Genesis 1:26
..."I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." - Psalm 139:14
..."Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?" - 1 Corinthians 6:19
..."The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?" - Psalm 118:6
..."Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come." - 2 Corinthians 5:17
..."But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." - 1 Peter 2:9
..."For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." - Ephesians 2:10
..."Look I'm more than just a picture What am I: I'm a woman that's made in God's image..." Quote from Jackie Hill Perry's song Woman.
It's good to take care of yourself, it's good to work out, it's good to feel confident. I don't want you to scroll away from this post thinking that you have to hate yourself to find favor in God's eyes. No no no. I encourage you to love your bodies, they were made by and belong to God. And if you are a believer of Christ, your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. How can you not love that!? Our bodies, minds, and lives are blessings from God that we should cherish and love. But this self love should be done in a manner that is glorifying to God, not unto ourselves. So yes, take that nap, take that bath, put on that makeup, spend a few hours at the gym, eat well, feel confident walking out that door. But find your confidence in Christ living in your heart rather than your own pride! Your light will show, and your testimony will be strong.
One of my favorite thoughts through all of this is that I am a woman made in God's image. The God who made everything in this world loves me. He died for me. And He sees my heart. He doesn't care if my hair looks nice or if I become CEO. If my heart is after Him, that's what He finds beautiful. He wants me to enjoy my life, while honoring Him. How much better can it get? Why should I bother with trying to please the world when God already loves me!? I hope that you come to this point in your walk with Christ if you are not already there- it is so freeing!
There's so much more than could be said about this topic, but the main point is that God favors the humble* and opposes the proud. Pride brings about boasting, and with boasting not only are you annoying the people around you, but you are sinning against the God who created you and the world you live in. It's really a simple choice, but it can be a painful transition. I encourage you, if you're struggling with pride, to read about what Jesus has done for you, and read more about what the Bible says about the humble and the proud. It will help you grasp why it is a much more rewarding earthly life & life after death when you live humbly shadow of Christ.
*It is important to note, if you are new to Christianity or are searching for a faith to commit to, that just being humble will not buy a magical ticket to heaven. It is not works that allows us to go to heaven when we die. The Bible says, "Not a result of works, so that no one may boast." - Ephesians 2:9. This verse is referring to how we cannot earn our way to heaven. If that were so, we would be able to boast in our works and say, "I was such a good person, I did x, y, and z, in my lifetime, so I earned a place in heaven." This would not be glorifying to God. Instead, it is not by works, but by faith alone that we can enter heaven. Jesus Christ came to this earth to live and die for us. He took the complete wrath of God for us, so we have a way to heaven. HE did the work. We cannot do anything in this life to earn our way to heaven. Instead, we are called to simply believe that Christ is God in the flesh, and that He lived, died, and rose from the grave to save us from the wrath of God (Hell). With true and authentic faith in that truth, we are given salvation that can never be taken from us. That is our way to heaven. This is so we cannot boast in our own works, but only in the life giving sacrifice that Christ gave us in Himself. If you need any further explanation on this, please just ask. No question is a stupid question.
Comments