I'm Not a Role Model

To everyone else, I may look like I have it all together. This post is going to give us all a much needed reality check.

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I've been given compliments from others about how I live, look, and so on.. and while I appreciate any time someone notices something good about me, it makes me more nervous to fail their expectations of me or for them to see me as a hypocrite. So, I'm just going to come right out and say it, I'm not the type of person you may think I am.

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"I am not the one you should know I am invincible when I'm invisible He is the one that you look for..." -KB

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Behind the scenes I...

Struggle with self-esteem issues

Spend too much time on social media

Neglect dedicating time to thoughtful prayer

Give into temptations of all sorts too easily

Gossip even when I know it's wrong

Complain too much

Am not as generous with my money as I should be

Hold grudges, but pretend I don't

Lose my patience with others when they are being rude

Flat out lose my patience and therefore my grace towards others

Worry about everything

Get lazy, like way too lazy

Think I'm better than I am at times

Have the wrong motives for some things I do

The list goes on, and on, but in summary...

... I'm a sinner.

Here's my point...

To a lot of people I may look like I have it all together and that I don't do anything wrong... but that's far from the truth. I mean that's what we try and do on social media- portray our best life while behind the scenes we are no where near what we present to the world. To be honest, when you see me on the outside, whether on social media or even in person, it's one part acting and one part who I really am. Yes I am typically the happy, bubbly person many of you know, but there's a lot that is going on in my head that I would never want to expose to others.

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If you see me or have seen me do something that is against a value of mine, like getting involved in gossip sessions for example, I want to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to everyone who has ever seen me as a hypocrite. I hate knowing that there are most likely people who have seen me slip up one too many times. There's no excuse... the simple explanation is that I'm a sinner. I'm grateful that I can also say that I am a sinner who is saved by the grace and sacrifice of Christ, but nevertheless, I'm not perfect. This means that I will make mistakes, and I will let people's expectations down. I'm not naive to that fact. Knowing that fact, I wanted to make this post to point you to the real, the ultimate, and the perfect role model, Jesus. Whether you believe Jesus was just a good guy who died for a good cause, or if you believe what Christianity does- that He is God in the flesh, the Son of God, and that He lived a perfect, sinless life, and died in our place to be the ultimate and final sacrifice for all of our sins so that "whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life" in Heaven- which every way you view Him, He is the greatest role model. Love, patience, kindness, sacrifice, generosity with expectations of returns, and countless other things make up the sinless life that Christ lived and, thankfully, through the Bible He teaches us to continue to live as He did.

We, however, are not God in the flesh, we are human beings which means that we are sinful by nature. God knows this, hence Christ's death, burial, and resurrection for us. So, we are going to fail in this life, we aren't going to perfectly live as Christ did- but we should aim for that. We have nothing to lose by living as Christ did because His life was about love, compassion, and sacrifice for others (among countless other things).

So, yeah, to many I might seem like a goody-two-shoes who can do no wrong, but I'm a hypocrite. I know I am. I don't like it, but it's a reality. I know I make mistakes and I know that I go against my beliefs in moments of weakness. I wish it wasn't so because I know that every time I slip up my testimony for Christ is hurt. But through this post, I hope to communicate that my role model is Christ, so if you happen to be looking at my life and wondering how I do it, and why I live how I do, just look to Christ. He is the one you should follow, not me.

I will disappoint, Christ will not.